in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
