I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
