Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
