he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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