He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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