i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
