If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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