My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
