I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
