if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
