i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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