You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
