The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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