I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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