I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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