we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
