Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
