So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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