i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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