I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
