Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
