I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
