I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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