I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We got so high we made milksteak
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Randomize
