I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is Oprah even human
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
