i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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