We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I've blown a few things in my day
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
