She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
