we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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