Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
