drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
