Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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