well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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