I wish I could teleport
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
