conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
