yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
