what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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