wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
