just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
