when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
