i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
