my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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