all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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