Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
