is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
