I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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