Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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