i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
