2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
