AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
