Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
