so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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